Borowitz: Question for Dr. Fauci

"Doors get locked by mistake all the time," Dr. Anthony Fauci said. View in browser | Update your preferences Not the news. Satire from The Borowitz Report Dr. Fauci Says He Has No Idea Who Locked Jared Kushner in Bathroom The esteemed virologist said that it was most likely "a regrettable accident." By Andy Borowitz Satire from The Borowitz Report Dr. Anthony Fauci Changes Trump's Twitter Password "This is something I've wanted to do for weeks," the virologist told reporters. "I was just waiting for the right opportunity." By Andy Borowitz Satire from The Borowitz Report Jared Kushner Calls Kim Jong Un "Totally Unqualified Person" Who Only Got Job Through Nepotism "I mean, why would you let someone with no experience in foreign affairs anywhere near such important decisions?" Kushner said. By Andy Borowitz More Humor from The New Yorker Daily Shouts Products That Make You Go "Hmmm" Cage-free strawberries, gluten-free water, and other head-scratchers. By Mariah-Rose Marie Daily Shouts A Kindergarten Teacher Tries to Answer Students' Questions About Her Marital Status It's like when you hold hands with a partner when you walk down the hall. Except that you would be holding hands with yourself. By Kerry Elson Daily Shouts Other Medical Experts Jared Kushner Might Consult About COVID-19 "American Psycho"—some great ideas about public health in that book. By Naomi Fry Back to the Real News . . . News Desk What Went Wrong with Coronavirus Testing in the U.S. During three crucial weeks in February, as a first set of test kits sent out by the C.D.C. failed to work properly, labs across the country scrambled to fill the void. By Robert P. Baird Culture Desk Discrimination Amid the Coronavirus Crisis As the pandemic sweeps through New York City, a Korean-American observes a rising tide of anti-Asian sentiment. By Ed Park Culture Desk Convincing Boomer Parents to Take the Coronavirus Seriously COVID-19 poses a unique threat to an age group that, whether they admit it or not, includes them. By Michael Schulman Letter from the U.K. The Ghost of Robert the Bruce and the Scottish Independence Movement The Declaration of Arboath, in which Scotland asserted its independence from England, will make a rare public appearance to honor the seven hundredth anniversary of its signing. By Anna Russell <p style="-ms-text-size-adjust: 100%; -webkit-text-si