Thursday, December 3, 2020

Bill Barr’s Desperate Plea



"Even the greatest liars slip and tell the truth sometimes," the Attorney General said.
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Not the news.

Bill Barr stands, sulking, in the Oval Office. Satire from The Borowitz Report

Barr Begs Trump Not to Let One Isolated Incident of Honesty Wipe Out Two Years of Lying

"Even the greatest liars slip and tell the truth sometimes," the Attorney General said.

By Andy Borowitz
Attorney General William Barr attends the daily coronavirus briefing.
Satire from The Borowitz Report

Bill Barr Tests Negative for Integrity

The Attorney General submitted to the test after coming into contact with career Justice Department prosecutors who were found to be integrity carriers.

By Andy Borowitz
William Barr
Satire from The Borowitz Report

William Barr Reads "Moby-Dick," Finds No Evidence of Whales

The Attorney General indicated that he hoped his report would put an end to "reckless speculation" about the existence of whales in the book.

By Andy Borowitz
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More Humor from The New Yorker

Couple smiles over a dead man's body.
Daily Shouts

Crimes I Committed with My Boyfriend vs. with My Actual Partner in Crime

My boyfriend: Requested just one fork for our shared order of nachos. My actual partner in crime: Used a fork to stab a man . . .

By Ginny Hogan and Katy Fishell
A dog with a branch in its mouth runs ahead of a man on a forest path
Daily Shouts

Why Your Dog Needs to Be Leashed During Walks (But Mine Does Not)

My dog answers to a higher power and cannot be governed by the restrictions of mortals and ninnies.

By Danielle Kraese

Back to the Real News . . .

Donald Trump holding up a chart and gesturing while speaking at a podium Letter from Trump's Washington

The President Is Acting Crazy, so Why Are We Shrugging It Off?

The dangerous "yeah, whatever" phase of Trump's lame-duck Presidency.

By Susan B. Glasser
Donald Trump and Rudy Giuliani stand in front of a door. Our Columnists

The Dangerous Possibilities of Trump's Pardon Power

Trump has used pardons to reward loyalty and tweak perceived enemies. In the last weeks of his Presidency, he may use them to protect his associates—and himself.

By Jeannie Suk Gersen
Donald Trump holding red "Make America Great Again" hats Our Columnists

Trump's Latest Grift May Be His Most Cynical Yet

In fund-raising appeals to supporters, the Trump campaign is asking for donations to continue challenging the election results. But the bulk of the money appears to be going elsewhere.

By John Cassidy
Toussaint L'Ouverture posing for a painting wearing a red hat Culture Desk

The Haitian Revolution and the Hole in French High-School History

The revolution, led by the formerly enslaved Toussaint Louverture, effectively forced France to abolish slavery, in 1794. Yet many French high-school students learn nothing about this chapter of their history.

By Lauren Collins

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